I wonder if anyone ever looks at me while I’m doing something and thinks I’m pretty. Because I do that all the time to people. 

Anonymous said:
I am secretly infatuated with this girl but i am a girl. I mean its my first time to experience it and i am not comfortable with it. What can you say?

it’s okay to be uncomfortable with it since it’s your first time nonetheless you should explore that part of you! also, find out why you’re infatuated with this girl. maybe you just feel really attracted because she’s pretty? or is there an underlying sexual tension? find that out! haha ummm really though, there’s nothing wrong if you like the same sex the only thing that’s wrong is the society clearly judging those and frowning upon what isn’t really indecent

I don’t know when was the last time I wrote something that I truly enjoyed. Every time I write, it seems like I’m grasping at straws that make my hand bloodied and raw. Ever since I started college, writing prose feels like such a chore. Which is actually horrifying because I am in love with it so much. I guess this course sucks out all the creativeness out of me. I can’t even think of a really good metaphor these days. I miss writing prose and stitching flowers into words. God. Do I have to resort to having my heart broken before the words trapped inside me escape through the cracks? I have to do better. I want to focus on improving my skills in creative writing further. That is my priority after all.

Proof
Paramore

Now, do you love me
All you gotta do is say yes
Do you love me
And I will never second guess
Now do you love me
All you gotta do is say yes
Do you love me
Then you already proved it

Uy grabe tinatamad ako maghanap ng RRL. Mas ginaganahan kasi ako kapag wala ng araw. Kapag alam ko na kailangan ko na talaga magfocus at matapos yun. Hindi naman sa mas okay ako pag nagccram o rush, kasi minsan naman inuumpisahan ko na agad. Bale, parang irerevise na lang sa gabi, mga ganon. Pero basta mas gusto ko pag gabi ako gumagawa kahit mas madaming distractions. Nakakadrain ng energy yung araw.

Thesis

Nakakainis lang na hindi tinanggap yung limang thesis topic ko dahil late ako nakapasok sa klase niya kaya ngayon hindi ko alam kung anong topic hahanapan ko ng 30 na RRL. Yep, you read it right. 30 FUCKING RRL. 10 journal based, 10 online based and 10 book based. Ewan ko ba sa professor namin, may saltik ata. 30 talaga? Okay lang siya??? Ang malala pa sa mga tulad ko na walang topic na napili, kapag hindi nagustuhan ng prof namin yung pinasa namin, kailangan umulit. Galing no. 

Sisimulan ko na maghanap bukas. Siguro ko naman mas madali makahanap sa internet tsaka libro. Sana. Kakainis talaga. Kaya nakakatamad magaral eh. Kung ganito ba naman mga prof na naaassign sainyo. 

I am not an easy person to love. Some days I will whisper how beautiful you are while planting gentle kisses all over your body. You will giggle and try to fight me off and in that moment my heart will have never felt so light.

But other days when my mind is a storm cloud threatening to explode, I will be a bundle of emotions that I cannot quite keep contained. I will be cold, distant, and you will look at me like I am not the same person you fell in love with.

I am a broken light switch. My moods flicker without anyone flipping me on and off. I wake up each morning and wonder which me you will encounter that day. I always hope it is the one who makes you want to stick around.

I am not easy to love. But what I need you to understand is that whether there is a war raging inside of my mind or I am the kind person that you adore, I will always love you.

I will love you in the morning. I will love you when you cry. I will love you when I am angry. I will love you when you’re being stubborn. I will love you when I don’t even love myself. I will love you.

I know that there will be days when you want to give up on me but I am asking you, please don’t. You see, you are the only one who has been able to settle the storm inside of me before I even realize it is surfacing.

I am not easy to love but I promise that I will always put up a fight. And I will love you no matter what.

I am no expert on love,
But I have a few suggestions to keeping your love alive.
1- Don’t fall asleep angry. But if you do, wake up in the middle of the night and hold her as close as you can.
2- Laugh during sex, especially if you bump heads. If you aren’t laughing, you’re with the wrong person.
3- If you don’t feel comfortable dancing naked with your partner and showing them your four chins when you laugh, you’re doing it wrong.
4- Romance isn’t for everyone, but a post-it note in their lunchbox telling them they’re the best will never go amiss.
5- Don’t cling to them at parties. Dance with friends and spend time with acquaintances, but wink at each other across the room.
6- Keep everything 50/50, or you will fall out of balance.
7- Stop comparing your relationship to others- you are you, don’t try to be someone else.
8- Be kind. Give them space when they need it, but be their home when they come back.
9- Be proud to love them.
10- Support them through whatever they do in life, even if it’s a stupid decision. People need to make their own mistakes, but be there if it falls apart, and never say ‘I told you so’.
And most of all, love with your whole heart, or don’t love at all.

I need white bedsheets. And a white wooden table. My room is painted white. There is something about the absence of color that makes me feel immaculate. I’ve only realized that white is such a lovely, innocent color. I want to surround myself with it.

I want cute socks. And sweaters big enough to embrace the entirety of me. The presence of warmth on a cold night. A substitute for the arms that aren’t beside me when I sleep. I’ve always loved the cold weather because I despise being drenched with sweat. But a spark of heat, a kiss of it, makes the coldness even better.

I plan on exploring new places. Lonely, uninhabited places. I’m starting to believe that there is an eerie sort of beauty in aloneness. The city is too populated with people too occupied with mundane things that control their very beings. I’m looking forward to visit the ones that miss the breaths and laughs of humans. I’m looking forward to be eaten up by the woods. And I’m looking forward to capturing them all in photos that will never encapsulate the kind of beauty only they can possess.

Growing up I thought being in love was red roses, dates on Saturday nights, pretty jewelry, Friday night movie premiers, kisses in the rain, and boxes that held expensive things. I thought true love was a story with a picture perfect ending. Now that I’m older I’ve realized it’s not that at all. True love isn’t something you find in a Disney movie. Being in love is screaming at 5 AM till you cry out of anger, but knowing they won’t leave. It’s saving each other’s selfies, good or bad, just to look at them because you miss each other. It’s being comfortable enough to talk about anything. It’s saying all the wrong things at the wrong moments. It’s leaving someone in complete control of your heart, but trusting them not to break you. It’s screaming the lyrics to your favorite songs together. It’s honesty even when it hurts and sarcasm when they’re sad. It’s lame jokes and sleepless nights. It’s fights and make up sex. It’s hour long showers and breakfast in the morning. It’s all night phone calls instead of texting. It’s the small things. It’s coffee shop dates and finding new books to read. It’s holding hands and kissing ever so passionately. It’s being able to sit at home just basking in the presence of someone you love with every fiber of your being. It’s wanting to share every moment with that one person. It’s finding yourself awake at 3 AM craving them asleep next to you. It’s little nick names and making fun of each other. It’s being called things like ‘little shit’ or ‘baby’ or ‘love of my life.’ It’s being able to fall asleep knowing that person will still be there in the morning. It’s being apart and knowing nothing will change. It’s deep talks at 6 AM. It’s days full of laughter and tears. It’s capturing the world’s beauty though their eyes. It’s not about the sex or the gifts, it’s about finding someone who pours their love into your deepest cracks making you whole once again. It’s feeling part of you missing when you’re apart. It’s finally being able to love yourself even half as much as that person loves you. Love is the only thing left in the world worth fighting for. Don’t you dare settle for a boy who makes you feel good for a night, or a girl who boosts your ego at a party. Mindfucking love is the holy grail of all love. Being in love will fuck you up in more ways than you can imagine and it’s absolutely fucking heart-wrenching, but at the same time it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.
3AM Thoughts" series #4 (via unpoeticheartbreak)