I wonder if anyone ever looks at me while I’m doing something and thinks I’m pretty. Because I do that all the time to people.
it’s okay to be uncomfortable with it since it’s your first time nonetheless you should explore that part of you! also, find out why you’re infatuated with this girl. maybe you just feel really attracted because she’s pretty? or is there an underlying sexual tension? find that out! haha ummm really though, there’s nothing wrong if you like the same sex the only thing that’s wrong is the society clearly judging those and frowning upon what isn’t really indecent
I don’t know when was the last time I wrote something that I truly enjoyed. Every time I write, it seems like I’m grasping at straws that make my hand bloodied and raw. Ever since I started college, writing prose feels like such a chore. Which is actually horrifying because I am in love with it so much. I guess this course sucks out all the creativeness out of me. I can’t even think of a really good metaphor these days. I miss writing prose and stitching flowers into words. God. Do I have to resort to having my heart broken before the words trapped inside me escape through the cracks? I have to do better. I want to focus on improving my skills in creative writing further. That is my priority after all.
Uy grabe tinatamad ako maghanap ng RRL. Mas ginaganahan kasi ako kapag wala ng araw. Kapag alam ko na kailangan ko na talaga magfocus at matapos yun. Hindi naman sa mas okay ako pag nagccram o rush, kasi minsan naman inuumpisahan ko na agad. Bale, parang irerevise na lang sa gabi, mga ganon. Pero basta mas gusto ko pag gabi ako gumagawa kahit mas madaming distractions. Nakakadrain ng energy yung araw.
Nakakainis lang na hindi tinanggap yung limang thesis topic ko dahil late ako nakapasok sa klase niya kaya ngayon hindi ko alam kung anong topic hahanapan ko ng 30 na RRL. Yep, you read it right. 30 FUCKING RRL. 10 journal based, 10 online based and 10 book based. Ewan ko ba sa professor namin, may saltik ata. 30 talaga? Okay lang siya??? Ang malala pa sa mga tulad ko na walang topic na napili, kapag hindi nagustuhan ng prof namin yung pinasa namin, kailangan umulit. Galing no.
Sisimulan ko na maghanap bukas. Siguro ko naman mas madali makahanap sa internet tsaka libro. Sana. Kakainis talaga. Kaya nakakatamad magaral eh. Kung ganito ba naman mga prof na naaassign sainyo.
I am not an easy person to love. Some days I will whisper how beautiful you are while planting gentle kisses all over your body. You will giggle and try to fight me off and in that moment my heart will have never felt so light.
But other days when my mind is a storm cloud threatening to explode, I will be a bundle of emotions that I cannot quite keep contained. I will be cold, distant, and you will look at me like I am not the same person you fell in love with.
I am a broken light switch. My moods flicker without anyone flipping me on and off. I wake up each morning and wonder which me you will encounter that day. I always hope it is the one who makes you want to stick around.
I am not easy to love. But what I need you to understand is that whether there is a war raging inside of my mind or I am the kind person that you adore, I will always love you.
I will love you in the morning. I will love you when you cry. I will love you when I am angry. I will love you when you’re being stubborn. I will love you when I don’t even love myself. I will love you.
I know that there will be days when you want to give up on me but I am asking you, please don’t. You see, you are the only one who has been able to settle the storm inside of me before I even realize it is surfacing.
I am not easy to love but I promise that I will always put up a fight. And I will love you no matter what.
I need white bedsheets. And a white wooden table. My room is painted white. There is something about the absence of color that makes me feel immaculate. I’ve only realized that white is such a lovely, innocent color. I want to surround myself with it.
I want cute socks. And sweaters big enough to embrace the entirety of me. The presence of warmth on a cold night. A substitute for the arms that aren’t beside me when I sleep. I’ve always loved the cold weather because I despise being drenched with sweat. But a spark of heat, a kiss of it, makes the coldness even better.
I plan on exploring new places. Lonely, uninhabited places. I’m starting to believe that there is an eerie sort of beauty in aloneness. The city is too populated with people too occupied with mundane things that control their very beings. I’m looking forward to visit the ones that miss the breaths and laughs of humans. I’m looking forward to be eaten up by the woods. And I’m looking forward to capturing them all in photos that will never encapsulate the kind of beauty only they can possess.